It’s 2012 and the best thing to do for a new year is to come clean and start fresh. Don’t get excited – there’s nothing juicy here like sordid affairs, slipping my kids Benadryl so they will sleep, or a problem with shop lifting. My confessions are rather mundane, but they are mine and blogging about them makes me feel like I can bless and release them, then move on.

I don’t recycle if the item is upstairs, in the kids’ room, in the bathroom, or anywhere really but the kitchen. And this is a step towards a greener me.

I feel guilty that I don’t feel guilty for being a working Mom. I’ve felt like this for a while and am waiting for some type of guilt to set in for working full time and liking it. But I’m fine. So instead, I feel guilty that I don’t feel guilty.

I did karaoke just before Christmas in a bar full of strangers. On a Wednesday. Sober. My husband and I also have our own personal library of karaoke songs – nearly 1,000. And we do karaoke. Sober. On any day.

This blog didn’t start entirely because of pie and I didn’t tell you the whole story. I was totally into pie, so that part is true. The rest of the truth is that this blog came into being because I needed a distraction from a miscarriage that I had over the summer. My husband and I finally got the nerve to try for a third child, succeeded for a brief moment, and lost the pregnancy. This was my fourth miscarriage (three before my first son) and I was looking for a way to distract myself from the disappointment. While I think I cope with my miscarriages pretty darn well, I do tend to do something slightly drastic after each one.

#1 – adopted two cats.

#2 – Painted every room downstairs in one night

#3 – Moved to Portland, Oregon (for a minute – found out I was pregnant (again) three weeks after I got there, quit my job and moved back to Cleveland. That was the now 5 year old.)

Having a fourth miscarriage in the midst of raising two boys, a dog, a cat (left over from the first miscarriage), and a harder job left me with slim pickings for drastic change. So instead of moving across the country, I started baking even more pie and blogging about it. In those first weeks, I was making pie three or four times a week. Pie is about precision and paying attention – especially when you’re new at it. I found that the process of making pie cleared my head and prevented my mind from wandering and over-analyzing the summer’s events. The rolling, the shaping, the baking, the eating – pie raised up my let down spirits and provided comfort. And since we’re confessing here, it also added a few more pounds.

I love making pie. I love giving it to people. I didn’t know it at the time, but this funny little hobby has given me so much more than just a distraction. It’s given me some space in my life to practice the art of gratitude and acceptance. And that’s what I never had before – I always had to react, to make sense of things, make a plan, move on, go, go, go. Who knew pie would teach me how to just be still and enjoy the slice of life that is mine?

Print Recipe

Pear Eggnog Winter Pie

This recipe was adapted from an article sent to me by a friend who found it in a publication called the Vegetarian Times.

Ingredients

• 1 recipe 9 inch pie crust
• 3 medium pears peeled and sliced about 1/4 inch thick
• 1 tablespoon fresh ginger root grated/minced/crushed
• 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 1 can evaporated milk Can substitute 1 cup heavy cream
• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 1 tablespoon rum optional
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon nutmeg freshly grated if you can
• fresh cranberries optional, for decoration

Instructions

1. Make pie dough and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes (or make a day ahead of time).
2. Preheat oven to 400 in preparation to partially bake your pie crust.
3. Line plated pie crust with foil so that it covers the entire crust, including the edges. Fill to the top with pie weights or dry beans/rice. Make sure that the weights go up the sides to prevent shrinking.
4. Bake for about 20 minutes.
5. Gently remove foil and weights, pierce with a fork if the crust puffs at all, and put back in the oven for about 10 minutes or until just beginning to brown. Remove from oven and let cool while you prepare your filling.
6. Peel and slice pears not thicker than 1/4 inch - the thinner the better. Toss together with lemon juice and ginger in a medium bowl. Arrange the pears in rows or any other decorative way, standing on edge along the bottom of the crust.
7. Whisk the sugar and eggs together until well blended. Add in the cream. Continuing to whisk well, add the vanilla, nutmeg, cinnamon and rum. Pour mixture over pears into the pie shell.
8. Place pie on the center rack of the oven and cook at 350 for 35-40 minutes until the middle is JUST set. It will still jiggle just a tad. Cool completely before slicing.
9. *About 8-10 minutes into the baking, place cranberries (if using) in middle for decoration. They tend to float away, so I wait until the pie has started to set a bit.